Tag Archives: Winter

Here I Am

The newest addition to my plant family, a purple Hyacinth, is sitting close by as I sip on my coffee and write. The blossoms are filling the room with a soft fragrance and I’m taking deep breaths of it in.

Inhale – exhale

Inhale – exhale

Here I am. Doing the same thing I was doing yesterday. And the day before that. And the one before that one. It seems winter, post-Christmas winter, brings out the worst in me. I should clarify that it is specific to post-Christmas winter because I love the Christmas season and, other than the few weeks of adjustment to more bundling and winter driving, I enjoy the weeks leading up to the holiday despite the rush of it all. But I finally have admitted to myself that I’m not a winter person. I hibernate as best I can, curling up on couches with warm steaming drinks close by.

Winter is actually a lovely time of the year, the slowness of it all. I try to take advantage of it. I try to see the glass half full. The beauty of the freeze, the activities only winter can provide. But then…then I start to feel cooped-up, held back, bored, depressed. Every damn year. It doesn’t seem to matter how much vitamin D I’m popping or the fact that we had a week of warmth away from the kids this time around, I simply get weary of the winter.

I NEED spring. I get excited for the new growth and despite all of its messiness and muck, it revives me. One foot in the frost, one foot in the thaw. Every spring reminds me of perseverance and grace. Seeing life burst through ground that was once frozen, I am reminded of myself in it all.

I could use some reviving right about now.

“I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint.”

Jeremiah 31:25

 

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The Gumption is Gone

Call it the winter blues, a February slump, SAD’s or just straight-up depression, but whatever you label it as, all I know is the Gumption Train left weeks ago.

This is fairly normal for me during these dark and bitterly cold winter months. Last year was particularly brutal considering it was about -40 most days with mountains of snow taking over the city. I thought this year would be different. We stocked up on Vitamin D, booked James some time off for the end of this month and hoped that we’d be able to afford a warm vacation. It hasn’t been as cold and we’ve had barely any snow (for Winnipeg). However, I’m finding myself having only one or two “good” days every week. Which isn’t all that good…

I’m not so sure that it’s the weather, although it does play a part, as much as I feel a bit lost in life right now. I don’t feel like I’m fitting in to things. I don’t feel like myself. I could use a good dose of sunshine for sure, but it’s more then that.

I’ll have been a parent for ten years this coming September. I’ve been a stay-at-home mom for almost all of that time. I think that lately I’ve been feeling the weight of that undertaking, if that makes any sense. A lot of myself is on hold, and has been for a long time now. I’m finally getting back into my artwork, which has been good for me, but I’m still so limited by space and nap times and shift work and the energy to do it.

The gumption to press on and move forward and keep my chin up is waning. I need a break. I need to recenter and rejuvenate but there’s no break in sight.

Someone said to me the other day, “The days are long but the years are fast.” I’m currently feeling the long, dark days.

“The Lord will work out his plans for my life,

for your loving-kindness, Lord, continues forever.

Don’t abandon me—for you made me.”

Psalm 138:8

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Rest

The house is quiet. So still. The only noise is the humming of the furnace pumping warm air through the chilly house, battling the winter weather.

The snow is fluttering down, getting heavier and heavier. Coating everything. My big knit sweater helps me to see the beauty of it. I hear the occasional crunch of boots on snow from a passerby.

I put the coffee on, plug in the Christmas lights and tuck in under my blanket on the couch.

No sign of the kids. They’re away at a winter wonderland for a few days. I miss my little guy and his crazy bed head and pyjama cuddles.

I should be sleeping, but I’m not. Too much tossing and turning. I’m up before first light trying to be quiet so as not to wake my tired husband.

And yet, the stillness, the soft snow, the twinkling lights, they’re calming to my weary spirit. Peaceful. The way the season should feel.

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Dreaming of…

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It’s -37 with the wind-chill today

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And all I can think  of

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is summer.

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Thankful

I’ve been cranky the past few days weeks. A lot of it has to do with the extreme cold and the fact that I usually get this way in January and February. Other parts of it have to do with me not feeling like myself; in between pregnant size Bria and normal size Bria, haven’t been to a salon in…hm, can’t remember, itchy dry skin from the cold, being cooped-up in the house with three kids, two of which have cabin fever. Our house is a disgusting mess which makes me feel on-edge all of the time. The laundry is never ending, the dishes constantly pile-up, it takes me about a year to clean one room and I have to do it in between taking care of kids, James and myself so by the time that’s done the rest of the house is gross and uninhabitable. Does it ever end? Please, someone tell me it does! I can very much relate to the quote, “Cleaning your house while you have small children is much like shovelling during a snowstorm.” I’m also frustrated that I’m 30 and I still don’t have my own vehicle (was supposed to go to my sisters house this afternoon but James had to go into work early, thus leaving me stuck at home) and the vehicle we do have seems to be falling apart every other day.

Anyway, you’re probably wondering why my post is titled ‘Thankful’ when I’m going on about all the things that are getting on my nerves. Well, I find that when I get like this I need to drastically shift my thinking. Here it goes…

Things I’m Thankful for Today:

1) A warm house ~ even if it is a dump right now.

2) A (somewhat) working vehicle ~ even if I can barely lift the car seat up and into the thing and everything seems to be cracked or broken, at least it gets us from Point A to Point B.

3) Food in our cupboard and fridge ~ actually, mainly thankful for coffee right now.

4) Simple things to keep the children entertained ~ playing outside in snow forts and mixing kitchen ingredients to make fun goop and doughs goes a long way for a kid.

5) My comfy couch where I can sit and read magazines or day dream on ~ sunshine, rain boots, puddles, melting snow…

6) That my kids each have their own weekly activity (soccer and irish dancing) where they can run around and blow off some steam.

7) Saucy Latin music to spice things up and dance around the kitchen to.

8) Soothers ~ Eli is cranky today too.

9) Soup ~ tasty and warm.

10) A cozy bed after a warm bath when the day is done.

If you’re, like me, having a hard time seeing the spring at the end of the winter today, what are some things you can be thankful for?

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