Tag Archives: Birthday

Thoughts on a Decade

Rhys turns 10 today.

I’ve been frequently lost in thought, yet not really able to come up with the right words to express how I feel about my eldest being this old and myself seemingly graduating to a new chapter of parenting.

He’s been around for a lot of years now. I’ve been a mom for a decade.

What sticks out the most as I’ve approached this day is that I keep thinking back to when he was a skinny squeaking week-old baby. I was sitting on our hand-me-down couches in our tiny rental on Maryland St., totally overwhelmed by what had just happened and what was unfolding in my life. That day, I found myself comforted by my mother-in-law who’s reassuring words turned my thoughts to the future and the reality that I was going to be a young mom. Not that I wasn’t already a young mom. At just 21 years of age I certainly wasn’t the youngest mother out there, but it was much sooner then we had planned and I was the first in a number of circles of friends to have a child. But she opened my eyes to see that even when our kids were a bit older, we’d still be young, and when they were independent, we’d still be young. The days and nights didn’t get easier from that point on, and I wish I had thought back on that conversation more often when I felt the isolation and loneliness that being a stay-at-home mom can bring, but it did stick with me and came to surface from time-to-time.

One of these times, which wasn’t very far off from the original conversation, was when I thought ahead to Rhys turning 10. You can’t imagine (especially if it’s your first child) your kid being that much older. You might have a murky distorted view of what they could possibly be like, or what you hope they could be like, but it’s not like thinking ahead to next winter and knowing it will be white and cold. It’s hard to picture your child 10 years down the road when they are just a helpless baby. It would have been nice to get an inside scoop from future Bria telling me that Rhys would be an awesome kid, full of creativity and intelligence and humour and heart (and that I’d have two more babies down the road!), it would have put my mind at ease. But that specific date, Rhys turning 10 and me being only 31, was a big question mark. I don’t know why it sat in the forefront of my mind for so long. It left a bit of an impression.

And now that Rhys has turned 10 and I am 31 and we are in the present of what was once just a distant far-off future, I can’t help but think back to the past. I can’t help but hover in that chocolatey-brown room above 21 year-old sleep deprived Bria holding little baby Rhys crying her eyes out, feeling a river of every emotion there ever was to feel all at the same time. I can’t help but want so badly to tell her that it’s okay and it will be okay and that she just needs to be kind to herself. No one has it figured out. No one. And while I’m hovering there, in that room, in that moment in the past, I try to steal a glimpse of my precious baby Rhys once more, wishing with every fibre of my mother-heart to once again have that little bundle in my arms. And in this moment, while I’m thinking back on that moment, I can almost feel 41 year old Bria hovering over me while I sit here balling my eyes out on this chocolately-brown couch, wanting so badly to whisper all the exact same things. It’s okay, it’ll be okay, you just need to be kind to yourself. No one has it figured out. No one. He’s growing up fast, but he’s such an awesome man, full of creativity and intelligence and humour and heart.

Just hold him and love him.

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The Last of the Babies

So there we were, having just woken-up to tiny squeaks for attention, gazing onto our third child’s wrinkled face.

All of those years of saying we were done, all of those months of stress and worry and frustration all amounted to this; a perfect little baby boy named Eli.

He was just hours old, lying in-between James and I, trying to focus on the faces in front of him.

“I love our little boy” I whispered to James.

“He’s a good boy” James replied.

That first morning with him was one of the sweetest moments of my life, one that I’ll always hold close to my heart.

Eli turned one today. I’m glad that we survived the first year and that we’re moving onto my favourite time…toddler years ( it’s actually my favourite, I’m not being sarcastic), but I’m also sad to see this chapter come to an end. I didn’t think that I’d be able to handle another kid and I feel like I’ve done a good job. I helps that Eli is such a darling. I couldn’t have asked for a better baby…but for real now, I want this one to be my last!

Words can’t begin to describe how much the four of us adore this little boy. He was clearly meant for all of us.

I get excited thinking ahead for our family, especially now that Eli is in the picture. I’m glad to have a buddy to keep me company and on my toes while the kids are busy at school. I’m looking forward to seeing his silly personality shine and watch him explore his world. I just love him so darn much.

He brings so many smiles to each and every day, how could I not gush about him?

eli

 

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I’ve Arrived (read: I’ve been booted off the 20’s party bus)

So this is it. I’m finally here.

30.

It simultaneously feels weird and strange and like nothing at all. I’m now officially grown up…or at least I should be. There’s no pretending, no falling back on twenty-something excuses. The welcome and dreaded change has come.

My 30’s commenced with me wearing my pj’s, accessorized with a friendship bracelet, a Hello Kitty tattoo and a having a venue stamp on my hand from a Leif Vollebekk concert a few nights before. I woke-up too early to a baby who needed to be fed. I was promptly barfed on. James ordered me to go back to bed (where I perused glorious Pinterest home decor) so he and the kids could bring me cards, coffee and a muffin with a candle in it. Eli was furious that he couldn’t eat the muffin and Amelia’s card read, “I love you soy moth”. Nothing has changed.

Today I feel the same as I did yesterday, and the year before and the year before that. I feel like I’m trying, sometimes succeeding and sometimes failing, to navigate life while taking care of my family.

Looking forward to the next decade of my life is exciting. I’ve started a 30’s bucket list of things that I’ve always wanted to do or try (or do again). I’m hopeful that these next years are going to be great.

I won’t settle for life just passing by when there are so many adventures to be had. The fun doesn’t stop when you reach a certain number.

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This Girl

Who has an amazingly awesome husband?

This girl!

Who gets to celebrate their 30th birthday and 9th anniversary with a surprise trip to Vegas?

This girl!

Who is beyond excited to spend six days on an actual child-free vacation?

THIS GIRL!!!

(Seriously though, what a guy! All I have to do is pack a bag because he took care of everything else! Eeek! I can’t wait.)

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A Conversation with my Inner Self

The title of my post is slightly misleading. I suppose it would be more acurate to say that this is an inner dialoge between Me, Myself (my negative inner voice) and I (my positive inner voice). I’ve had a lot rumbling around in my head (that’s not out of the ordinary though, is it?) and it goes a little something like this (try to keep up, I’m unleashing some serious crazy on you right now):

Me: Oh my GOSH! {Flops on the couch} I’m almost 30!

Myself: I know! Didn’t I say I’d “be in the best shape of my life before I turn 30”? {Eyeballs my body} That didn’t happen.

Me: I did say that…I mean, I did just have a baby 10 months ago.

I: Ya, c’mon! I look great for having 3 kids.

Me: I DO look great for having 3 kids. But, I should really work-out more and eat better.

Myself: Ya, you should get on that right about…6 months ago!

Me: I need to do something with myself. I can’t believe I’m almost 3o and I haven’t done anything with my life.

I: Um, I had 3 kids. Remember the 3 kids I had?

Myself: Whatever, everyone has kids.

Me: It’s true, lot’s of people have kids. That’s not all that special.

I: I think it’s pretty special! Look at how great they are. I’m doing a pretty good job of raising them and it’s hasn’t been a walk in the park either.

Myself: But I’m just a stay-at-home mom. You’d think that by 30 I would have done something awesome!

Me: I know! I always thought that I was made for something great…and here I am, folding clothes and washing dishes all day. Every day! Bummer. That was a bit of a let down.

Myself: Double bummer.

I: Guys, it’s not like I expire when I hit 30! It’s not like I have a best before date stamped on my butt that says “Use by: 13 OCT 2013”

Checks to see

Me: I guess not. Ya, you know what, it’s okay! I still have a lot of time to make my mark in the world and to accomplish the things I want to do.

Myself: Not really. You’re old now.

I: Oh, shut up! Who says you have to have all the fun before a certain age? Grandma went to university and got a degree at 60. I think that I can do whatever I want to do regardless of how old I am.

Me: That’s true! My life isn’t ending. No one is handing out a report card on my birthday to see how I’ve stacked-up to everyone else. I have a lot to offer and so many things that I want to try and do, who cares what everyone else has done.

Myself: But I’m still not in shape.

Me: It’s only 10lbs! Not that big of a deal.

Myself: My pants think it’s a big deal.

Me: My yoga pants don’t!

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Then He Was 8

Today our boy turns eight.

It’s crazy to me that our little surprise baby that came along and rocked our world is such a big boy now. Every day that goes by it seems he grows up and matures in another way. From speed reading long chapter books to being a whiz at math to joining the running club, he’s no longer a little tyke. I miss toddler-Rhys, but I love seeing the this tender-hearted young man grow up. There are days that I’m not a very good mom to him but since he’s my first I’ve realized that he and I are learning this together.

I hope this year is a great one for him. Happy Birthday Rhys!

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A Little Bit of Life

I apologize for the lull in blogging the past few weeks, life has taken over! The kids are off and settled at school. Rhys continued on to grade 2 this year and Amelia started Kindergarten. I can’t believe that both of my kids are of the age where they are away a school during the week. Where’d all those years go? It seems like just yesterday that Amelia was crawling around chewing on Rhys’ toys and Rhys was obsessed with ‘worker-men’ and tractors. Now they both have their very own big-kid rooms where they hook-up their school bags after they come home, sit and read, build robots out of Lego and play dress-up with dolls (without my help). Gone are the days of sleepy cuddles and board books. Our conversations have begun to take a more ‘mature’ route on topics like school-yard games, friends, math class, careers, hobbies and computer class. Back-to-school was quickly followed by Rhys turning 7, which just compounded my astonishment over how big my children have gotten. Maybe it’s a good thing that there’s another one on the way? Maybe I’m just not ready to be out of the baby/toddler stage quite yet.

Rhys starting grade 2

Ammie starting Kindergarten

Rhys on his 7th birthday

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