Tag Archives: Babies

Thoughts on a Decade

Rhys turns 10 today.

I’ve been frequently lost in thought, yet not really able to come up with the right words to express how I feel about my eldest being this old and myself seemingly graduating to a new chapter of parenting.

He’s been around for a lot of years now. I’ve been a mom for a decade.

What sticks out the most as I’ve approached this day is that I keep thinking back to when he was a skinny squeaking week-old baby. I was sitting on our hand-me-down couches in our tiny rental on Maryland St., totally overwhelmed by what had just happened and what was unfolding in my life. That day, I found myself comforted by my mother-in-law who’s reassuring words turned my thoughts to the future and the reality that I was going to be a young mom. Not that I wasn’t already a young mom. At just 21 years of age I certainly wasn’t the youngest mother out there, but it was much sooner then we had planned and I was the first in a number of circles of friends to have a child. But she opened my eyes to see that even when our kids were a bit older, we’d still be young, and when they were independent, we’d still be young. The days and nights didn’t get easier from that point on, and I wish I had thought back on that conversation more often when I felt the isolation and loneliness that being a stay-at-home mom can bring, but it did stick with me and came to surface from time-to-time.

One of these times, which wasn’t very far off from the original conversation, was when I thought ahead to Rhys turning 10. You can’t imagine (especially if it’s your first child) your kid being that much older. You might have a murky distorted view of what they could possibly be like, or what you hope they could be like, but it’s not like thinking ahead to next winter and knowing it will be white and cold. It’s hard to picture your child 10 years down the road when they are just a helpless baby. It would have been nice to get an inside scoop from future Bria telling me that Rhys would be an awesome kid, full of creativity and intelligence and humour and heart (and that I’d have two more babies down the road!), it would have put my mind at ease. But that specific date, Rhys turning 10 and me being only 31, was a big question mark. I don’t know why it sat in the forefront of my mind for so long. It left a bit of an impression.

And now that Rhys has turned 10 and I am 31 and we are in the present of what was once just a distant far-off future, I can’t help but think back to the past. I can’t help but hover in that chocolatey-brown room above 21 year-old sleep deprived Bria holding little baby Rhys crying her eyes out, feeling a river of every emotion there ever was to feel all at the same time. I can’t help but want so badly to tell her that it’s okay and it will be okay and that she just needs to be kind to herself. No one has it figured out. No one. And while I’m hovering there, in that room, in that moment in the past, I try to steal a glimpse of my precious baby Rhys once more, wishing with every fibre of my mother-heart to once again have that little bundle in my arms. And in this moment, while I’m thinking back on that moment, I can almost feel 41 year old Bria hovering over me while I sit here balling my eyes out on this chocolately-brown couch, wanting so badly to whisper all the exact same things. It’s okay, it’ll be okay, you just need to be kind to yourself. No one has it figured out. No one. He’s growing up fast, but he’s such an awesome man, full of creativity and intelligence and humour and heart.

Just hold him and love him.



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Life With a Toddler

I’ve found that living with a toddler is exhausting. Horribly and wonderfully exhausting. I’m sure that wouldn’t surprise anyone. One minute I’m at my wits end wanting to run run away to Mexico because he’s having a tantrum and the next I’m melting into a puddle while he steals my heart with an adorable smile.

For those of you who don’t know what it’s like to have toddler in the house, let me put it this way: combine a playful puppy, a curious monkey, a jolly gnome, a squirmy octopus and a ferocious banshee. Mix them all up and then let that mutant run amuck in your home with all your stuff, never knowing which one of the personalities will appear from minute to minute or if it will be snotty, pooping or throwing food. Sounds crazy, right? Trust me, it is. But it’s also one of the most entertaining things to watch.


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These Days




Just in the past week or so Eli has started to actually play. It’s still crazy toddler playing, but he’s finally sitting down or sitting at the table and occupying his time with toys instead of just wandering around the house carrying things or moving random objects from here to there. It’s nice. Really nice. I think that part of it is that Rhys and Amelia sit at the table a lot and Eli wants to be up there doing something as well. He’s all about cars and trucks, like most little boys. He can’t say a single word but he can make loads of sound effects already.

Now that the weather is warming up and our snow is quickly melting we are taking lots of walks around the block. Sometimes he walks and splashes in the puddles and sometimes I push him in the stroller. We are both loving the fresh air after being cooped up all winter long. Its fun to see his world open up; new smells and sounds and sights. He’s clearly enjoying himself.

I’ve been busy with the house and kids and husband, as per usual. I moved all of my living room and dining room furniture a few days ago and swept and moped everywhere. It was so clean and shiny and sparkling. Today? It looks like a dirty stuff bomb went off. There are muddy footprints all through the house (husband), there are tiny cars scattered about (Eli), there are clothes all over (Amelia), there are Lego bits and loom elastics and pine needles. It’s a never-ending tedious job that makes me drink at night.

But that’s life. Clean one minute and messy the next.


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Those Cheeks!


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April 12, 2014 · 1:17 pm

The Last of the Babies

So there we were, having just woken-up to tiny squeaks for attention, gazing onto our third child’s wrinkled face.

All of those years of saying we were done, all of those months of stress and worry and frustration all amounted to this; a perfect little baby boy named Eli.

He was just hours old, lying in-between James and I, trying to focus on the faces in front of him.

“I love our little boy” I whispered to James.

“He’s a good boy” James replied.

That first morning with him was one of the sweetest moments of my life, one that I’ll always hold close to my heart.

Eli turned one today. I’m glad that we survived the first year and that we’re moving onto my favourite time…toddler years ( it’s actually my favourite, I’m not being sarcastic), but I’m also sad to see this chapter come to an end. I didn’t think that I’d be able to handle another kid and I feel like I’ve done a good job. I helps that Eli is such a darling. I couldn’t have asked for a better baby…but for real now, I want this one to be my last!

Words can’t begin to describe how much the four of us adore this little boy. He was clearly meant for all of us.

I get excited thinking ahead for our family, especially now that Eli is in the picture. I’m glad to have a buddy to keep me company and on my toes while the kids are busy at school. I’m looking forward to seeing his silly personality shine and watch him explore his world. I just love him so darn much.

He brings so many smiles to each and every day, how could I not gush about him?



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I’m Exhausted

I woke-up early to my alarm and, much to the protesting of my body, hauled myself out of bed. I shuffled downstairs to get the baby, sleepily wrestling with the arms of a cozy sweater. He was lying down but wide-eyed and happy to see me. Amelia popped up from under her covers and yelled, “BOO!”

Hooray, she’s awake.

I changed Eli and helped Amelia get some clothes out to wear to school and attached an oversized flower to the top of her head. Off to the kitchen.

This is how my next two hours played out:

Argue with Amelia about what she’s going to be eating today.

Rhys wakes up.

Give Eli a bottle.

Argue with Amelia over the fact that she can’t bring a camping chair upstairs to sit on in the middle of the room.

Watch as Amelia does some weird interpretive dance to the words ‘Deep Freeze’.

Make lunches.

Make breakfasts.

Insist that Amelia does, in fact, like peach yoghurt and that for years it was the only flavour she would eat and demand that she choke it down before she drives me crazy.

Sit down to feed Eli and myself and keep Rhys and Amelia focused on getting food into their mouths.

Tell the kids a gazillion times to clear their dishes.

Hose down the baby and get him playing with some toys.

Clean-up the kitchen mess while making sure the other two are brushing their teeth and doing their hair.

*Sniff-sniff* Change Eli again (I think a skunk died in that diaper).

Make sure the kids are dressed appropriately for the weather.

Send them on their way and put Eli at the front window to watch them and the bus.

Make coffee.

Clean out dishwasher.

Load dishwasher.

*Sniff-sniff* Change Eli again and put him down for a nap (after looking high and low for my phone which he hid in his toy bin).

Get dressed and un-zombify myself.

Throw some laundry in.

Sit down to my now tepid cup of coffee.

And I wonder why I’m exhausted by 10:00 in the morning!?

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Much Love

Eli has been with us for just over five months now. It’s pretty safe to say that we’re all head-over-heels for this little guy. He’s just so darn smiley and cute! Rhys and Ammie like to dote on him (for the most part). They get excited to see all of his little milestones like when started giggling or watching him try different foods or how he figures things out like how to do a backwards crawl. His newborn stage is long gone and he’s already moved into his room with Amelia; she was getting quite impatient to have her little brother beside her. The transition was smooth and she wakes up to put his soother back in if he starts chirping too early in the morning. I usually go in and get him around 7:00 and he’s all smiles. What a wonderful way to start my days.

To be honest, Eli has made it easy to have three kids. I was really worried about how I would manage. There are days when I’m tired from caring for so many people and all of the responsibilities stack-up and feel a mile high but one look at his chubby face puts everything into perspective. James and I feel so blessed to have him in our family.


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