Monthly Archives: December 2012

Life Moves Fast

I suppose now is the time to write a post looking back on the year that was and ahead to the year that will be. 2012 was a crazy one and I really want to have a nice long rant about everything I didn’t like about it, but I won’t. I will say that I’m worn-out from the constant onslaught of big life changes that came our way in the past twelve months. The only other time I’ve been this eager to see a year come to a close was in 2007 when we moved twice, had a job change, had Amelia, struggled publicly in our personal lives and went through a painful uprooting from a beloved community. I was so happy to wave goodbye to 2007 and I’m feeling the same sentiments towards 2012. So much went on this year I’m amazed that I survived it all.

My hope for 2013 is that it will be a calmer more peaceful year for me. I need some consistency in the big things so that I can work on making changes to the little things. It’s not that I feel a new year is an automatic ‘reboot’ to life, but isn’t it a good time to reassess and turn a new leaf? I’m all for setting resolutions for oneself; weekly, monthly, yearly. I’ve been thinking about a few that would be fitting for this next year, but I have yet to settle on any.

Obviously the biggest life change that took place in the past 12 months was Eli. If you had told me last January that we’d be having our 3rd child in 2012 I’d have slapped you then laughed hysterically then possibly curled-up into the fetal position and cried. It was never in our plans to have another one, but now he’s here and we all adore him. If I could go back and make changes to 2012 I would. I’d make a lot of changes. I can think of a whole pile of things that I’d like to have done differently, choices that I made that I wish I hadn’t or things that I didn’t do that I wish I had, but he’s not one of them. Eli was, by far, the best thing about this past year.

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Look at him…how could we feel any different?

My one take-away from this year can be summed-up in a good ol’ Ferris Bueller quote, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once-in-awhile, you could miss it.” So, goodbye 2012 and hello 2013.

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Growing Up

I know I say this all the time but my kids are growing up so quickly! I notice it more now that we have another baby in the house. It’s amazing how little a toddler will seem until they walk into the hospital room to meet their brand new sibling. I remember going from Rhys seeming like an overgrown baby to thinking he was a giant when Amelia came along. Both of the kids practically seem like young adults now that Eli is here!

Last night we hunkered down in the basement to have a popcorn Christmas movie night. I fed Eli then Ammie cuddled him for a bit (she’s such a little mom with him) then I took him and he fell asleep on me in that really cute newborn feet-tucked-under-the-tummy position. You know, when they look like a little frog. He was so comfy and cozy. Normally I don’t let him have a whole nap cuddling up to me but I just couldn’t bring myself to move him…it’s already going by so fast! I can’t believe that he’s a month old already.  Everyone keeps telling me how little he is. I had him weighed a few days ago and he’s just under 9lbs but he already seems so big and I can see how much he’s changed already. He’s started smiling at us and I can hear the beginnings of his coo’s. He’s getting more interested in people and little interactions.

This past week I found a photo album that I thought I’d lost. When I sat down and looked through it I couldn’t believe how little my kids used to be and how quickly they grew-up. It’s amazing. Amelia lost her second tooth yesterday and Rhys is already reading chapter books and working on his times tables. I know I sound like a broken record with this, but seriously, where’d those years go!?

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Ammie’s first birthday. Rhys was almost three here…love his stellar haircut!

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4 weeks

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December 19, 2012 · 1:38 pm

My Cranky Day

Today I hit a wall. I was tired and cranky and emotional right from the get-go.

My day started with a 2:30am feed. Then a 4:30am bum change and feed.

I woke-up at 7:00 to make myself a cup of coffee and get the kids up. Then I got Eli for another feed and sat down on the couch. I managed to drink half my coffee while it was still warm. He finished eating and then proceeded to spit-up all over his sleeper. Bum change and new clothes.

Got the kids ready for school. Amelia had a field trip in the morning today (they were going to see Santa…she was convinced that they were actually going to the North Pole) so I left Eli with James and did a mad dash to get them there for 9:00.

I came home and made myself another cup of coffee since I’d only had half of my first. James and Eli both woke-up. I only had a few sips of the luke-warm coffee this time. I fed Eli. He pooped. Then pooped some more. And some more. It was seriously excessive. Then it was everywhere. So he had a bath. He liked his bath while he was in it but screamed bloody murder when I took him out. Change, bath and new clothes.

James took him to the couch to wrap him up. He knocked my coffee over. It went everywhere. It was my own fault since I left it in a stupid place while I was juggling a poopy baby. I spent awhile getting all the coffee cleaned-up.

James put Eli in the swing and turned it on. He fell asleep and I thought it would be a good time to do the dishes then close my eyes. Eli waited just long enough to let me fall asleep then he woke-up crying. I kept putting his soother back in to buy more time. I realized that I hadn’t eaten well today so I made myself some KD. He had settled a bit so I thought I was in the clear but no, he woke-up crying right when I sat down to eat my lunch. I grabbed him and went to the couch where I had put my untouched bowl of macaroni. His blanket fell into the ketchup. More laundry. I unwrapped him and felt that his diaper had leaked through his sleeper and blankets. Another bum change and more new clothes. I fed him again.

James picked-up Ammie from school. He got her some lunch then left to run some errands. I put her in front of the computer, wrapped-up Eli and he and I went upstairs for a sleep. I actually had a decent nap.

I woke-up and read all about the shooting. Rhys got off the school bus and I held him and Ammie and my mood changed.

I’m still tired and I’m still a bit cranky but both my kids came home from school today and that’s made all the difference.

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Tired.

Often when I’m having a conversation with new moms they start to complain about being tired and having the feeling as though this baby stage will drag-on for a million years and they’re never going to sleep-in or feel like themselves again. I always try to reassure them that it does end and sleep will return and you will get some normalcy back (albeit a new normal). I let them know that I was once where they are and that now my kids watch Saturday morning cartoons while eating a breakfast they made for themselves without even waking me up!! I let them know that James and I can finally focus on  each other again after a few years of feeling like everything revolved around bum-changes, nap time and diaper rash. Heck, there was even a little while where James and I had time to spend together when he was on his days off and the kids were at school. Bliss.

But now we have Eli and my daily internal dialogue goes something like this, “This is never going to end! I’m so tired and I’m never going to get a full nights sleep again! I’m on call 24/7 for the rest of my life! What day is it? Did I shower today? Why hasn’t the mailman come? Oh, wait…I just got the mail.” That string of thoughts is usually followed by, “Wait, it’s ok. Everything is fine Bria. You know this stage goes by quickly. Enjoy that cute baby while he’s little. He’s gonna grow so quickly and then you’ll have your hands full! It’ll get easier in the blink of an eye, just give it a few months and besides, he’s giving you stretches of 4 or 5 hours of sleep every night. You’re fine!” Which is then followed by,  “What’s that on my pants? Barf? Poop? I dunno, o-well, who cares anyway. When was the last time Rhys had a bath? Last week? Ok, that’s not too bad. Where did my coffee go? Cold, again! Bah! I can’t think straight! I’m soooo tired! My face is melting! I just want to sleep!!!”

I have this thing that I have to battle. I tend to live a step or two ahead of myself all the time. I have to constantly slow down and enjoy what is happening in life right now, today, and not try to speed-up the weeks and months to get to different stages even though might seem easier (or at least less sleep deprived).

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2 Weeks

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Eli has already grown so much. He feels much heavier to me and is starting to look a little bit chubby (this is coming from a mom who’s only had skinny lanky babies, so I know that he’s not actually chubby to most of you). He’s still a gem of a baby though; eating well, sleeping superbly (slept from 11-5 last night!) and only squawking when he needs something like a mommy cuddle.

We’ve been trying to see what his eye colour is. I know that it can still change a lot but right now the colour is so dark that it’s been hard to get an idea. Only in the past few days has he had some good awake time after he eats so I’ve been trying to get him in some natural light to try to get a good look. James had a hunch that there was quite a bit of purple in them, and I think he was right. I’m excited to see what colour they become. Rhys has a grey-blue, Ammie has a bright-blue, I wonder if Eli will have a purple-blue?

He’s a very curious boy, just like his big brother was. When he is awake he’s looking all around and absorbing everything and everybody. It’s amazing how quickly they change and grow!

I’ve been very happy to just sit and transition during these past two weeks. I’ve been out of the house a few times and, while fresh air is  good, it’s always nice to just get back home and relax…especially when there is so much other stuff going on.

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Babies and Chaos.

I don’t know what it is about James and I, but chaos seems to surround the birth of our children (and, really, every other time in our lives).

Rhys was born on a Friday morning, early morning. We were discharged from the hospital on the Saturday morning. Then, on the Sunday, our car broke-down. Totally died. When Rhys was a few months old James was laid-off (a few weeks before Christmas, nice hey?) so we moved out to Otterburne, Manitoba so James could work at Providence College.

Broken vehicle. No job. Big move. But it all worked out.

When we were expecting Amelia, James made the difficult decision (for a number of reasons) to resign from his position of Youth Pastor at our church in Niverville. The week after that our (different) car broke down. That was a huge bill. This was a hard time for us and we decided to move out of the community. For the life of us we couldn’t find an apartment to rent anywhere in Winnipeg. Landlords were saying to us that because we had kids we probably wouldn’t get the places we were looking at. I was so stressed out of my mind because our lease was up on the house we were renting in town. Amelia was born and a few weeks after that we moved into my mother’s basement in order to look for a house to purchase. James had found a cabinet job in the city.

Broken vehicle. No job. Big move. But it all worked out.

Last year we decided to downsize and become resident managers of an apartment block to save money for a few years. Great plan! We moved, I became pregnant (very unplanned) and we decided that it just wouldn’t work with three kids in that small basement apartment so we moved back home. Stressful! Two moves in six months. We just had Eli two weeks ago. James had taken time off to ease us into being a family of five but four side-jobs came-up. He had a few days with us and then started working on the kitchens. Then our hot water tank broke last week. Okay, new tank it is! Then our truck broke-down yesterday. So far it’s been towed to two different places trying to figure-out what the heck the problem is.

Broken vehicle. Big move. But at least James has these side-jobs! They are financing our chaotic lives at this point so I really can’t complain about James not having his holidays to spend time with us. James bought me a bottle of wine a few days ago. My first glass of wine in a looong time. I had it while eating dinner yesterday. I decided to raise my glass and give a toast saying, “Here’s to the never-ending gong show that is our life!” James raised his beer and said, “No, a better toast. Here’s to us sticking together through thick and thin,” he paused and his eyes welled-up with tears as he looked at me, “I love you Bri. I really do.”

So there it is. Chaos comes with the birth of our children but we’ve made it through and, by the grace of God, we’re made stronger because of it. And it always works out in the end.

 

(Oh, and Happy 600th Post to I’ve Come Undone!!)

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