Monthly Archives: May 2012

Ammie’s Post.





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Poutine is one of my pregnancy weaknesses. I allow myself one poutine a trimester. That’s fair, right?

So delicious.

And there’s the start of the baby bump. This is mainly for Julia (since she’s left me again for a whole year).

Here’s Perogy at 14 weeks.


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I’m feeling impatient today. It is now 38 days until we move back home, which is not a lot when you think about it. I know that the next few weeks will zoom by quickly. Soon enough the kids will be wrapping up their studies and switching over to the ‘end of the year’ festivities. I will be pre-occupied with packing boxes, getting everything ready at the house, going through our things (again) seeing what else we can get rid of, and tying-up loose ends with the apartment building.

There’s a lot to do. James has two side-jobs and the house to renovate (well, as much as he can get done in one months time…thankfully he has a job where he can take a few weeks off to do it). I’m guessing June is going to be a pretty crazy month for us. We’ve had a lot of offers from friends and family to help work on the house or help us move and I’m hoping we take everyone up on it.

When I think about the timeframe in terms of what needs to be done, it seems too short. When I think about it in terms of just how excited and ready I am to move back into our home, it seems like it’s years away. I know, that’s ridiculous. But I started-off by telling you that I felt impatient today.

Rhys had a hard day yesterday. He didn’t want to wake-up to go to school (he wakes-up at 6:30). He cried and cried. Then when he was awake he didn’t want to get ready for school. He cried some more. He finally did what he had to and then flopped on the couch until the bus came. After school he watched a show and then had a nap. James woke him up for dinner, which he barely touched, then excused himself and napped again. I woke him up to put on his PJ’s and then he went straight to bed. The kid is exhausted. I just want all of the crazy and the stress to be over so we can settle back home and slow down. We need a breather and some lazy summer days to recoup from this half a year of insanity.

At lunch today Amelia told me that she didn’t want to have any children. I was surprised by her comment (especially since she’s been carrying and dressing her babies quite a bit lately) so I asked why. Her response made me stop and think about how my kids can feel exactly what my attitude is towards them, even when I’m trying to hide it. She said, “because kids are too much work”. Unfortunately that has been my attitude with my kids and with pretty-much everything else, it’s just all too much work. We’re all overwhelmed.

So ya, 38 days feels like forever today.

(You should know, Amelia followed-up that comment with a heart warming one. The kind of thing that makes you smile and remember why you had kids in the first place. I said to her, “but don’t you want your own little boy or little girl to cuddle when you grow-up?” and to that she replied, “No. I’m just always going to cuddle daddy, even when I get big.” How darling.)

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 When we get together with family (my side) it gets a little chaotic, I’m sure you can imagine. There’s Aubrey (9), Rhys (almost 7), Gabe (6), Caden (5), Amelia (almost 5), Annabelle (3), Maddie (3), Coralise (1 – not pictured) and my little pierozki will soon be added to the mix (my brother and sister-in-law are also planning to have more). It gets loud and rambunctious and goofy. Sure, there are moments on the drive over when I think to myself, “My kids are driving me up the wall, the last thing I want to do is be surrounded by a million more” but once you get there and see them all interacting, running through sprinklers, having easter egg hunts and exchanging gifts under the tree you can’t help but love that they all have each other. I love that my kids are growing-up with friends that will always be there for them.

Maddie and Ammie went missing at our last Easter gathering. Don’t worry, they weren’t out of the house, they had snuck up to my mom’s bedroom and had decided to try on every single one of my mother’s perfumes….which is a lot considering my mom is one of those pretty ladies that stands at the counter in The Bay and helps you pick out which scent you should buy your wife for Valentine’s Day. We found them giggling away smelling like an old lady. It was hard to be in the same vehicle with Ammie on the way home, but I couldn’t even be upset (of course we told them not to do it again) because you could tell that it was just the start of the cousin camaraderie. Annabelle was preoccupied with something else at the time, but I know that, given the opportunity, she will be right in there with them trying on all of Nana’s shoes and jewelry, seeing which one can be the best Fancy Nancy.

My sister, brother and I were always very close growing-up. It was always a bit odd hearing my friends tell me about how they’d always be fighting with their sister or brother. We just got along. My mother always stressed that we needed to be friends and while it helped a lot growing-up, especially after our parents split-up, I can now see that the best part that has come from us caring for and looking out for each other is that our kids are growing-up with each other and with a very strong sense of family (this extends to James side as well, although there are much less snotty noses and sticky fingers at those gatherings).

Family…it’s what it’s all about.

(that and poutine)

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Going Home.

What a funny (read: insanely stressful) past few months these have been. First we have this brilliant idea that we should take a resident managing position and rent out our house to make a bit extra for a few years (which I still feel was a good idea and we made the best decision based on the information we had at the time). Then we act on it and move our family into a tiny apartment. Then James helps his dad sell his house (which really needed to go for reasons I won’t go into/don’t have the space to explain) and we move his dad into our house (which his dad was happy to do). Then we find out we are expecting and realize that yes, the ONE THING that could have gone wrong in our plan actually happened and we, in a month and a half, out-grew the space we had just moved into. But what were we to do? My father-in-law sold his house with the promise he could rent from us.

Well, God answers prayer in big ways and we found a great place for James dad to live and we are going to be moving back into our home. I cannot tell you how happy I am. Since finding out that we are going to be adding another little pooper to our collection I’ve missed my house tremendously. Obviously there are the practical sides to moving back, like the full-sized fridge and stove, the extra fridge and freezers in the basement, my own laundry machines, the room to put another child (Rhys will be getting his very own Star Wars room in the process), the later mornings (since the bus comes and hour earlier for Rhys where we are at right now), the ability to take a screaming baby to a different part of the house to let James sleep during the day, the yard for the kids to play in…my list goes on. Then there is the emotional side; it’s home, this is a huge change and I feel the need to be surrounded by something familiar and comfortable.

James has been working on renovations back at the house for a while. His dad gets possession of his new place in a few weeks and we are moving back home June 30th, so that gives us another month to work on a bunch of projects that we’d never gotten around to. It’s looking really nice in there! Who knew baseboard could make that much of a difference!??!

The space will feel gigantic coming from 660 sq ft, especially since we’ve gotten rid of so much junk in the process. I’m not all that excited to have to pack-up and move all of our stuff again, but it will give me another opportunity to edit our belongings and widdle-down our possessions. It also means that we are going home, and that is something I’m very excited about.


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I knew from the moment I found-out I was expecting that I wanted different care for this pregnancy/labor/delivery. You can read a little bit about my past birth experiences here and can catch a glimpse of how I came to the decision to seek out the care of a midwife instead of an OB/GYN. The issue with getting a midwife in Manitoba is that they are in really high demand and most women get turned away. I called one of the clinic’s the week I found-out I was pregnant and filled-out an intake form that was faxed around to the four clinic’s midwives’ work out of. I was told to continue on with my doctor until I heard otherwise, but I should know that most women don’t get on and so I shouldn’t expect to. They said that I’d hear back in six weeks.

I prayed and prayed and prayed. I really wanted to get a midwife.

Well, 3 days after I first talked to the clinic I received a call saying that a midwife at the new birthing center had accepted me! Soooo excited. I’ve met with her once already and had a tour of the new facility, it’s like a SPA! If all goes well I’ll be able to have a natural birth in one of their gorgeous rooms. I couldn’t be happier.

On top of that, I had to turn down two other midwives that had accepted me into their care! It was meant to be.

Call me crazy, but I’m now looking forward to my labor and delivery.


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Thoughts on being pregnant.

So I wrote the previous post shortly after finding out I was pregnant back at the beginning of March. I was horribly shell-shocked. Sure, over the past 4 years I’d taken test after test, waiting with a lurching stomach and a cold sweat for that second pink line to change my life…again, but you are never fully prepared until it’s actually right there in front of you. I was always paranoid about getting pregnant again so whenever I was a few days late I would rush to the drugstore, pick-up a box of tests and drink a gallon of water to put my mind at ease.

This time, the second little line showed-up. I thought that I was just going through my usual routine of creating symptoms in my head and getting myself all worked-up over nothing but it seems that this time the symptoms were real and there was in fact a little baby sprouting inside of me.

It’s taken me awhile to wrap my mind around all of this. Amelia will be 5 in a few months, Rhys will be 7 shortly after that. We just moved out of our house and into a tiny two bedroom apartment (with no dishwasher, a small apartment sized fridge and stove and coin laundry on the 2nd floor). What were we thinking!??! What was God thinking!??!

A baby?

Now that it’s been awhile and I’m just approaching the four-month mark, I’ve had time to think things through and try to sort out how I’m feeling and what this will look like. It’s been hard to feel excited when I’ve had my head stuck in the toilet since mid-March but I’m slowly coming around (and s.l.o.w.l.y. starting to feel better).

Lately I’ve been able to see some positives to having this child and I feel like I’m, bit-by-bit, gaining some understanding as to the Lord’s timing on things.

So here are a few of my thoughts:

Amelia starts afternoon kindergarten in September so both of my kids will be in school. I will have my mornings with Ammie and the baby (which is great, because I’m a morning person and Ammie is really relaxed during that time) and I will have a quiet house for baby and I to nap in during the afternoon. James now has an awesome job which gives him stretches of days off in between shifts, holidays, sick leave and the ability to take paternity leave if he so chooses ( I like that perk). My children are old enough to be very good helpers around the house. They are also old enough to get kicked outside for hours on end without me having to worry about them wandering off or Rhys pushing Amelia into the dirt and sitting on her.

I spent a lot of time in the past few years wondering what was next for me. To be honest, I think that I was eager to start the next chapter in my life so that I could have (feel) some significance and value and excitement in other people’s eyes. I had my worth wrapped-up in entirely the wrong thing. I searched high and low for what I could possibly do or try. I came up with idea after idea, course after course for things that I might remotely be interested in. Some things sounded great, but nothing felt ‘right’. I prayed and prayed for God to show me what He would have me do. Ever since starting at Smart Set I have missed the early years of my children’s lives, where I was just at home, baking and crafting and playing and living their day-to-day with them. Sure, it’s an exhausting job, but I enjoyed it. I’ve lost touch with that joy of mothering. Or maybe I just all together gave it up in pursuit of self.

I’ve been longing to get back to that place and maybe this is God affirming me in that, giving me a clear path as to what He has for me. At least that’s how I’m choosing to look at this. It’s taken me a few months to get to this point, but now that I’m here it’s starting to feel right. On top of this new baby, James and I have a lot of other things going on in our lives right now. When I look around me, all I see is change and it can be completely overwhelming but I just have to trust that God has it all in His hands.

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