On the Road Back to Intentional.

Do I rejoice in the role that God has given me in my home?  The words stung because I knew the answer was one that I’m not proud of. No, right now I’m not rejoicing about being a homemaker. I think that I used to. I think that I was a great stay-at-home mom when it was all I could see, when I could look back and see years of mothering under my belt and look ahead and see years of staying home ahead of me. I was focused because I knew it was where I was supposed to be.

With the ever-looming ‘school years’ ahead of me and only one more forseeable year of staying at home in front of me, my outlook started to shift. me, me, ME, ME! I know that sounds horrible, but I’ve given six years of my life to staying at home with my children and the thought of even doing one thing a week that could be for me, about me, and by me (outside of the home) was intoxicating.

I started to let things slip and slide until I started to all-together avoid doing certain things. I would rather be on the computer. I would rather be reading a book. I would rather be figuring things out in my head then playing or baking or taking them for a walk. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I didn’t like my children or didn’t ever do things with them I was just taking a few too many steps back. I put myself in cruise control and was just riding the wave of parenting instead of being the wave of parenting. I knew that this was taking place, but it wasn’t until I read those two articles that I posted the other day that it cut right to my heart. Not only am I hurting and disappointing myself, I’m hurting and disappointing my children and it’s not honouring to God. I’ve been placed in this role of being a mother and homemaker and I should be rejoicing in it. Instead, I’ve let a bitterness and idleness seep in thinking that I deserve bigger and better and more. My attitude is so far from that of the woman described in Proverbs 31:

25She is clothed with strength and dignity;
   she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
   and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
   and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
   her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
   but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
   but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
   and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

I desire to realign myself with those verses and, once again, rejoice in my role as a stay-at-home mom. So after months of having a ho-hum attitude, how do I become intentional about my parenting again?  Baby steps?

I took the kids to the park by our house yesterday. We loaded-up a bag with tractors, buckets and shovels and spent the afternoon making a sand city. We walked down to the river and threw sticks in the water and then had a little picnic in the shade.

I’ll be posting more on this as I try to reorient myself to a more intentional way of mothering. But I’d like to leave you with a question. Feel free to leave your answer or just mull it over. 

In what ways are you intentional with your children?




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2 responses to “On the Road Back to Intentional.

  1. Candice

    Wow, Bria. Amazingly reflective and honest – both hard things to accomplish, especially when it’s out there for the world to see and read. I admire this. How am I intentional? I think about 2 things: what I want my children to learn (values, knowledge, etc) and what my children are interested in. Then, I try (very intentionally) to plan things around those 2 things, whether it’s a little conversation, a fun crafty activity or a difficult lesson (i.e. cleaning up after ourselves). The 2 things are almost never the same, but I try to balance them on a daily basis so they’re getting relatively equal doses of what they need to learn and what they want to learn.

  2. Bria, my heart goes out to you. Our feelings about mothering can be complicated. We feel guilty if we do, we feel guilty if we don’t. You are a mother, but you are also a person. When you feel the need to punish yourself for being human, just ask yourself if you would be so hard on your children or any other human being. I doubt it. That being said, I say this more as a reminder to myself than as someone who “has it all figured out.” I loved your honesty. These feelings are far more common that most of us are willing to admit.
    Now, how am I intentional with my kids? By supporting who they are and who they need to be. By showing them, through my own example, that it’s okay to be silly, to care about people, to try new things, to fall on your face, to make mistakes, to appologize. By showing them that kindness is a strength and not a weakness – regardless of gender. By letting them know at every age they have an important contribution to make in the world.
    Thank you for making me think about this. 🙂

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