Do I rejoice in the role that God has given me in my home? The words stung because I knew the answer was one that I’m not proud of. No, right now I’m not rejoicing about being a homemaker. I think that I used to. I think that I was a great stay-at-home mom when it was all I could see, when I could look back and see years of mothering under my belt and look ahead and see years of staying home ahead of me. I was focused because I knew it was where I was supposed to be.
With the ever-looming ‘school years’ ahead of me and only one more forseeable year of staying at home in front of me, my outlook started to shift. me, me, ME, ME! I know that sounds horrible, but I’ve given six years of my life to staying at home with my children and the thought of even doing one thing a week that could be for me, about me, and by me (outside of the home) was intoxicating.
I started to let things slip and slide until I started to all-together avoid doing certain things. I would rather be on the computer. I would rather be reading a book. I would rather be figuring things out in my head then playing or baking or taking them for a walk. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I didn’t like my children or didn’t ever do things with them I was just taking a few too many steps back. I put myself in cruise control and was just riding the wave of parenting instead of being the wave of parenting. I knew that this was taking place, but it wasn’t until I read those two articles that I posted the other day that it cut right to my heart. Not only am I hurting and disappointing myself, I’m hurting and disappointing my children and it’s not honouring to God. I’ve been placed in this role of being a mother and homemaker and I should be rejoicing in it. Instead, I’ve let a bitterness and idleness seep in thinking that I deserve bigger and better and more. My attitude is so far from that of the woman described in Proverbs 31:
25She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
I desire to realign myself with those verses and, once again, rejoice in my role as a stay-at-home mom. So after months of having a ho-hum attitude, how do I become intentional about my parenting again? Baby steps?
I took the kids to the park by our house yesterday. We loaded-up a bag with tractors, buckets and shovels and spent the afternoon making a sand city. We walked down to the river and threw sticks in the water and then had a little picnic in the shade.
I’ll be posting more on this as I try to reorient myself to a more intentional way of mothering. But I’d like to leave you with a question. Feel free to leave your answer or just mull it over.
In what ways are you intentional with your children?