Monthly Archives: June 2011

On the Road Back to Intentional.

Do I rejoice in the role that God has given me in my home?  The words stung because I knew the answer was one that I’m not proud of. No, right now I’m not rejoicing about being a homemaker. I think that I used to. I think that I was a great stay-at-home mom when it was all I could see, when I could look back and see years of mothering under my belt and look ahead and see years of staying home ahead of me. I was focused because I knew it was where I was supposed to be.

With the ever-looming ‘school years’ ahead of me and only one more forseeable year of staying at home in front of me, my outlook started to shift. me, me, ME, ME! I know that sounds horrible, but I’ve given six years of my life to staying at home with my children and the thought of even doing one thing a week that could be for me, about me, and by me (outside of the home) was intoxicating.

I started to let things slip and slide until I started to all-together avoid doing certain things. I would rather be on the computer. I would rather be reading a book. I would rather be figuring things out in my head then playing or baking or taking them for a walk. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I didn’t like my children or didn’t ever do things with them I was just taking a few too many steps back. I put myself in cruise control and was just riding the wave of parenting instead of being the wave of parenting. I knew that this was taking place, but it wasn’t until I read those two articles that I posted the other day that it cut right to my heart. Not only am I hurting and disappointing myself, I’m hurting and disappointing my children and it’s not honouring to God. I’ve been placed in this role of being a mother and homemaker and I should be rejoicing in it. Instead, I’ve let a bitterness and idleness seep in thinking that I deserve bigger and better and more. My attitude is so far from that of the woman described in Proverbs 31:

25She is clothed with strength and dignity;
   she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
   and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
   and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
   her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
   but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
   but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
   and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

I desire to realign myself with those verses and, once again, rejoice in my role as a stay-at-home mom. So after months of having a ho-hum attitude, how do I become intentional about my parenting again?  Baby steps?

I took the kids to the park by our house yesterday. We loaded-up a bag with tractors, buckets and shovels and spent the afternoon making a sand city. We walked down to the river and threw sticks in the water and then had a little picnic in the shade.

I’ll be posting more on this as I try to reorient myself to a more intentional way of mothering. But I’d like to leave you with a question. Feel free to leave your answer or just mull it over. 

In what ways are you intentional with your children?

 

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A Little Bit of Life.

{collecting squirmy wormies and fuzzy caterpillars}

{finishing an exciting soccer season}

{attending fun end-of-the-year parties}

{visiting with family}

{graduating from Kindergarten!}

{pretending to be monkeys every chance we get}

AND

{ammie still hates chili}

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A Good Reminder for Mom’s.

I feel like I started out with this way of looking at my children and parenting. Actually, I feel like I’ve followed this until recently. Maybe it’s that I’ve been tired or I’ve just lost my focus. Maybe I’m in a slump. I haven’t been doing nearly as many crafts with them. I haven’t been reading nearly as many books to them. I haven’t been baking with them or playing with them as much as I used to. Regardless of what the reason is, I think it’s time to re-orient myself.

Edit: Here’s another good post about mothering that I came across today.

 

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Cranky

I’ve taught my kids to use the term ‘leaving alone time’ whenever they feel like they need some space. I figured that if they are anything like me, which they are, they need to distance themselves from each other once-in-awhile. They are just under two years apart so they play with the same toys, watch the same shows, and play pretend in the same make-believe worlds. When one of them says that they need a ‘leaving alone time’ then it needs to be respected (within reason). The perk to using this terminology and having a consistent follow-through is that I can use it as well. If I say that mom needs ‘leaving alone time’ then they understand how I must be feeling and that they need to back off because they can relate. It has worked well for us.

The only problem is that I’ve needed a bit too much ‘leaving alone time’ these days. I’ve been frustrated, irritable and…well, just plain old cranky. Mine and James conversation in the car today went something like this:

James: Why are you so cranky all of the time?

Bria: (pause) I don’t know.

James: Is it because you want another baby?

Bria: No. Do you think I want another baby?

James: I don’t know. Why are you so cranky?

Bria: I don’t know.

For the record, it’s not that I want another baby…because I don’t. I wasn’t sure how to answer him because I didn’t have enough time to get into everything. He was dropping the kids and I off and heading to a study group. We would have touched on the tip of the iceberg and then had to stop mid-sentance and then I would be left feeling unheard and possibly misunderstood.

James and I are usually really good at communicating. We learnt very quickly that we needed to communicate for this marriage to work, especially since we’ve been through so much in such a short period of time. But there are times where my communication skills shut down because I feel like a broken record, repeating the same problems over and over and over. It gets to the point where I just don’t want to bother him with it anymore so I just keep it to myself and let it fester until I’m cranky all of the time.

This is where I find myself today. Cranky.

I came home and wrote down a list of all of the things that I had to get done this afternoon. Bake muffins and cookies. Laundry. Sweep. Clean the kids room. Wash the dishes. As I started puttering around I thought about James question. Why am I so cranky? I walked back to the list and wrote a new list. I made a ‘Why I’m Cranky All of the Time’ list. It was long. I’ll give it to James in a bit.

Right now I’m having a cup of coffee and a bit of a leaving alone time. The house is much cleaner and smells of fresh baking. Every little bit helps.

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