So how does one learn how to follow God during the ‘good’ times? The ‘boring’ times? The straight and only slightly bumpy times? I’m not entirely sure but I was frustrated with feeling distant and dry, longing for some spiritual rejuvination. I always expect to have this big breakthrough or a burning bush telling me exactly what I need to hear. I’m not sure I’ve ever experienced either of those. More often than not my heart is stirred and then it’s left up to me to pursue. I also felt like I shouldn’t be operating with a dried-up cup anymore, for a number of reasons:
- James’ new career is a very damanding and stressful one (for him and for our family) and I need to go into this change with a healthy heart & mind.
- I’ve been snapping at the kids more often and it’s getting old real fast.
- I’ve taken on a position on our church council (for Family Ministries) and I had the strong sense that I should probably ‘be fed’ before I start actually filling the role.
So with all of those in the forefront of my mind, I picked-up my bible on that Monday morning. I didn’t feel lead to any specific area so I decided to start reading from Psalm 1. I also picked-up my dusty devotion (A Prayer Journey with the Apostle Paul) and started where I left off. Even though it was great to finally sit down and do something I would be lying if I didn’t say that it was difficult at first. To be honest, I wanted to be infront of my laptop and not my bible. But after a little while it has become more routine…routine that I look forward to. To sit and be still and be fed is what my soul was thirsting for, not the lastest news or e-mails.
I was allowing things to get in my way of reading my bible and spending time in prayer because I didn’t really want to do either. I realized (which is obvious, it just took a little while to sink in) that being a disciple is not just for one difficult year here and there, I need to sit and pray and read even when I’d rather be doing something else. I need to focus on God and give Him my attention even when there are phone calls to make and kids to take care of.
I know it seems like all of this is so obvious but it’s taken a while for me to actually want to acknowledge it. I was desiring all of the things that only time spent being close to God can bring but unwilling to put in the time or work to get them.
Hopefully I’ve learnt a lesson here.