I can’t seem to get away from this one question that’s been tugging at my heart; what do I want to be when I grow-up? Now I know that I’m almost 27 and I’m technically ‘grown-up’ already, but I don’t feel like I am. I feel like there’s so much more to do, so much to learn, so much to see, so much for God to do in and through me. While this tug can get rather annoying at times I find that it can also be exhilarating. There IS so much more. I’ve never wanted to be one of those people who settle, sit back and watch the story of their life unfold from a distance…no, not me. I am very much interested in growing and evolving and figuring-out all that God has for me. I struggle sometimes because I have these huge dreams and visions and hopes that I find it’s hard to be content with where I’m at. It’s hard to balance that.
I would love to go back to school at some point but the problem is that I’m interested in too many things. I wish I were like one of my friend’s who’s always known what’s she’s wanted to do and is just finishing-up her schooling for it. It can be frustrating to be passionate about so many different things that, at times, I wish God would have given me just one interest. Silly, I know. I’ve looked-up courses and even after reading about them I’m still undecided. Textile Science? Environmental Design? Fine Arts? Human Rights and Global Issues? International Development? Prairie Horticulture? Theater? Photography? Culinary Arts? I’m interested in all of them. But I’m even undecided if going back to school is the right thing to do. I feel like I have so much to offer I just don’t know which way to turn.
I pray about it all the time. I know that God has this crazy plan for my life because I’ve seen bits and pieces unfold and I know what I’ve seen is just the beginning and I’m excited to see the rest. I suppose my main problem in all of this is that I think I could be great at everything I just listed-off to you, but I want to follow God’s heart for my life. A burning bush would be wonderful right about now.
One thing that has really made me think harder about the direction my life takes is a quote by Frederick Buechner where he says, “The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.”
So what is my deep gladness? I have no idea.