January 28th 2005

A journal entry…

“Life just never stands still. It’s always moving and always changing. Even if you want it to let you rest a few moments, it doesn’t. James and I have been married for almost four months. Leading up to the wedding life was crazy and hectic and each month after has been just as crazy. We have so much to do, not to mention go to school and work. Christmas came and went like a colourful blur. It was enjoyable but we hardly had a minute to sit back and soak it all in.

An Amy Grant song popped into my head today (one which I haven’t thought of in a long time). The first line of the chorus goes “oh how the years go by…” James and I were reminiscing today about when ‘Pick-a-Pop’ used to be around. It seems just like yesterday, but that was around 7 or 8 years ago. Wow.

How is it that I am twenty-one and married…already! I feel like I should still be in high school, I feel so young. But, I’m not still in high school. I’m twenty-one and time has flown by this quickly. I guess why I’m thinking about all of this is because on Wednesday, January 26th I found out that I’m pregnant. I’m still getting used to the whole idea, as is James. We are both very excited and happy but still nervous and surprised. It was very unexpected and not planned. My mom is happy because she finally gets to be a grandma.I’m still not sue what to expect or what exactly to do.”

I remember not feeling well for a few weeks and thinking that I should probably head to the doctor’s to see what was up; my tummy felt all funny and I’d missed my you-know-what. I was able to convince James that he should take me to the clinic. I went in the room by myself and asked for a pregnancy test. My heart was pounding so hard I thought for sure the doctor would think I was on something. After taking a tinkle in the cup I had to wait. I waited and waited. Then I waited for a bit more. During my wait I remember sitting there, my heart still pounding away, and I was thinking to myself, “Gee, in the next few moments my life could drastically change. I could become a mom…or find out that I already am one. I’ll have to tell James that he’s a dad. We’ll have to tell all of our sister’s and brother’s that there will be a baby soon (the first baby). We’ll have to figure out how we’re going to pay for this kid. I’m gonna get fat. I’ll have to think about my job, where we are going to put the piglet, paint colours, baby names. I’ll have to read that huge ‘What To Expect When You Are Expecting’ book. I’m gonna get fat. I’ll have to wear funny maternity clothes. I could be a mom. Or it’s nothing and James will laugh at me for being silly.’  The doctor called me back in and sat me down. He asked me if I would be upset to have a child so young. I said no. He said I was pregnant. It was hard not to cry right in front of him. I held it together. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. He told me to get some prenatal vitamins and referred me to an OBGYN. I said my thanks and left his office.

Before pushing through the room divider I had to compose myself and figure out how I was going to tell James. He was sitting in the waiting room thinking that I was just being my normal hypochondriac self. Not this time. I walked out and gave him a smile. I casually slid into the chair next to him. I waited a moment and then said, “Hey Dad“…he shot me a look and gave a nervous laugh. He didn’t believe me for about 5 minutes. We were already driving away from the doctor’s in our red cavalier when he finally decided that I was telling the truth.We laughed the rest of the way to where my mom was working. A lot of the fun was breaking the news to everyone.

What amazed me about having a baby was that Rhys was Rhys from the moment he was conceived. When I held him in my arms at the Women’s Clinic it was one of the first things that came into my mind. Before I even knew that I was pregnant, it was Rhys. It was our little Robot-loving boy growing inside of me every step of the way.

I can’t believe that it’s been five years since I wrote that journal entry.

‘Oh how the years go by…’

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1 Comment

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One response to “January 28th 2005

  1. jule

    that is BEYOND crazy.

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