I’ve sat down several times in front of the computer or with a journal hoping to write the second part to my post about the insecurity issue. There’s so much rolling around in my mind, wanting to get out on the paper (or screen) but for some reason or another it’s just not coming. Maybe I’m not ready to write it…I don’t know.
I think it’s clear that I need to work on myself. I need to let God do the work actually. Either way, things need to change with how I perceive myself and others. Life doesn’t stop just because I find it hard to talk to people or have doubts about who I am…it continues on.
I think that I do need to mention that I’m not depressed every second of every day, quite far from it. I also don’t hate myself, I just have a hard time with…well, me.
One thing that I have realized about myself is that I do have hope, because there is hope. I know that God is working because I can feel it. I know that He is trying to get my attention and to break through these walls and lies. I know that He has plans for me that are special for me because I’m me.
I’ve never wanted to be like everyone else. Obviously there are people who I admire and there have been many times where I’ve wished that I’ve had different qualities or strengths or talents that I see in others, but I’ve never wanted to blend in. I want to be set apart, I want to be myself…but in doing that I need to grab ahold of who I am and run with it. Despite the looks, the fears, the lies I need to somehow learn to be confident. I need to let myself show and not hide behind what I think other people want.
I had an idea just after New Years when I started thinking about posting I’ve Come Undone. What if I just jumped in with both feet and put myself out there? What if I took one of the things that I’m insecure about and opened it right up for everyone to see? No explanations, no apologizing, no hiding. Surprisingly enough, it sounded great to me. So I’m doing it.
Here we go. Thirty days of my art. It’s not perfect, it’s not Monet, it’s not elaborate, it’s not anything other than me. I’m calling it ’30 Day Art Love’. James thinks it’s a silly name but it stuck in my mind so we’re going with it. I’ve already been working on the artwork and scanning it into my computer and I’m kinda excited about this. It seems like it could be a good thing for me. I hope you enjoy it.
Day One – The Beginning