I’ve Come Undone – Continuing On.

I’ve sat down several times in front of the computer or with a journal hoping to write the second part to my post about the insecurity issue. There’s so much rolling around in my mind, wanting to get out on the paper (or screen) but for some reason or another it’s just not coming. Maybe I’m not ready to write it…I don’t know.

I think it’s clear that I need to work on myself. I need to let God do the work actually. Either way, things need to change with how I perceive myself and others. Life doesn’t stop just because I find it hard to talk to people or have doubts about who I am…it continues on.

I think that I do need to mention that I’m not depressed every second of every day, quite far from it. I also don’t hate myself, I just have a hard time with…well, me.

One thing that I have realized about myself is that I do have hope, because there is hope. I know that God is working because I can feel it. I know that He is trying to get my attention and to break through these walls and lies. I know that He has plans for me that are special for me because I’m me.

I’ve never wanted to be like everyone else. Obviously there are people who I admire and there have been many times where I’ve wished that I’ve had different qualities or strengths or talents that I see in others, but I’ve never wanted to blend in. I want to be set apart, I want to be myself…but in doing that I need to grab ahold of who I am and run with it. Despite the looks, the fears, the lies I need to somehow learn to be confident. I need to let myself show and not hide behind what I think other people want.

I had an idea just after New Years when I started thinking about posting I’ve Come Undone. What if I just jumped in with both feet and put myself out there? What if I took one of the things that I’m insecure about and opened it right up for everyone to see? No explanations, no apologizing, no hiding. Surprisingly enough, it sounded great to me. So I’m doing it.

Here we go. Thirty days of my art. It’s not perfect, it’s not Monet, it’s not elaborate, it’s not anything other than me. I’m calling it ’30 Day Art Love’. James thinks it’s a silly name but it stuck in my mind so we’re going with it. I’ve already been working on the artwork and scanning it into my computer and I’m kinda excited about this. It seems like it could be a good thing for me. I hope you enjoy it.

Day One – The Beginning

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6 Comments

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6 responses to “I’ve Come Undone – Continuing On.

  1. jule

    the colours are beautiful bri!!!

  2. I love it! Will there be more?

  3. Amen, sister! I agree completely with what you say and I admire your courage. You are totally on the right track. Putting yourself out there to be who God created you to be is a scary thing, I think. I feel it all the time. Though people may believe I am confident, etc, I am not – people scare me! So, bravo and I encourage you in this walk. As for your artwork, beautiful, as I know the rest will be, too!

  4. Pat Thomas

    Bria (firstly, what a beautiful name)

    I just want to share a couple of thoughts with you as you are going thu this reflective time. Firstly, all of us, very few escape, have had experiences in the past , our parents, our years at school, our experiences with the opposite sex, marriage problems, etc that are not ideal. What I have learned along the way is that I am who I am because of ALL my experiences in life – good and bad. It does take a long time to get over some things but I know that the one thing that is truly mine, is my thought life. This is something no one can take from me. Now having said that, if I control my own thought life then I am responsible for what I allow to come into my head, how long I let it roll around in there and I can also stop a thought before it forms knowing that it is not good for me – and if I ask the question – will any good come from going down this road then I am responsible for my mood. I believe everything starts in our thought life and only we can bring it to life or squelch it. It took me a long time to realize that I needed to pray about this each and every day to come to a place where I did not rehash everthing that was negative. The thought was “Lord, fill me with thoughts of you and help me to understand what pain you suffered for me – in praying this, I was able to realize that everything wasn’t about me and that I needed to step back and look at the big picture – and what I found out was that the more I thought about me the unhappier I became. I find that when I am filled with thinking about other people and situations I can be helpful in I at my best. Bria, please take this in the spirit it is intended – in love – as sisters in Christ.
    I am surprised to read this about you Bria as I see you as a lovely young woman doing the most imortant job in the world and enjoying it. Bless your heart Bria as you look to Him for the answers.

    Pat

  5. ruth

    love your art bria. soo beautiful.

  6. Pingback: Tale as old as time. « I've Come Undone

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