It seems as though I’ve fallen into yet another pit of emotion. Ugh. The ups and downs…I just can’t take them. I wish it was all just up up up. (I’m sure that everyone knows one of those types of people who are always happy. They are always laughing, always chipper, full of life, full of energy. I usually shoot a few dirty glances at them because I just don’t get it. I don’t get it because I’m not one of them…how horrible is that? I shouldn’t be mad at them because they’re full of joy! I shouldn’t be bitter. They aren’t the problem, I’m the problem. I’m the one who needs to make changes.) I feel as though I’ve been at war with myself for the past week. This whole ‘don’t shop’ thing has really made my head spin. It’s hard to pull away from something that you’ve used as a crutch for so long. Not even just a crutch, I’ve used it to define part of who I am. I’ve found worth in it. Again, how horrible is that? Unfortunately I’ve been to the mall 3 times since I made the ‘thrift for a year’ goal. It’s been good and bad. I haven’t bought anything and I actually haven’t even picked up an article of clothing! But I’ll see a store that I love or clothes in a window and it’s just as hard. I’ll find myself ‘ooooo-ing’ and ahhhh-ing’. The next moment I’ll notice how much people are consuming; clothing, food, stuff. Then I’ll find myself ‘ewww-ing’ and ‘ugh-ing’. I want to consume. I want more, bigger, better, nicer. I want to reduce. I want less, simpler, smaller. I want success. I want money, recognition, status. I want to be Godly. I want joy, wisdom, wholeness. I feel a pull both ways. Am I the only one who thinks about this on a daily basis?
Monthly Archives: July 2008
Who else can cause you more grief, joy, irritation, satisfaction, embarrassment, and genuine delight than this combination of Eve, Salome, and Florence Nightingale? She can muss up your home, your hair, and your dignity-spend your money, your time, and your temper-then just when your patience is ready to crack, her sunshine peeks through and you’ve lost again.”
Amelia Kate – 1 year
Happy Birthday Little Girl! I love you sooooo much…even your upside down soother.
I love Garbage Day! You get to gather all of your trash, bundle it up in a big bag, throw it in the back lane and watch as someone else hauls it away…gone, vam-oosh, out of your life! I love it! Now, if only everything else could be like that. If only I could walk around with a big garbage bag and say goodbye to the mess, the dishes, the laundry, the wet towels, the toys, the Kleenex, the dusting, the clothes. BAG IT! HAUL IT! BE GONE! Just let someone else deal with it. If only my one responsibility was to bag things.
I try very hard to be a clean person. As the saying goes, “Cleanliness is next to Godliness.” I’m starting to believe that. My mother-in-law once told me that she had always wanted to write a book entitled, “The World Is A Better Place When The Toilet Bowl Is Clean.” Being clean doesn’t come naturally to me…being a total slob doesn’t either. I find I’m somewhere in the middle and I would most likely be okay with that if I didn’t have a husband and two kids who are a little closer to the ‘slob’ side. I love them, but MAN this place can get MESSY! For a long time I would just get annoyed about the mess that seemed to grow bigger and bigger every time I tried to tackle it. Then I read a book. A good book called, “How to live with a Messie”. It helped me see that I need to tackle myself and myself alone. I do need to teach my kids to be clean, but other than that I can only improve my own habits. I also started to notice that mess really affects my mood. If I don’t keep the house tidy I WILL be a bitch. And that’s a scientific fact! So now I try very very very hard to be clean. There are days where I fail horribly, weeks even. I would say my biggest hurdle is the laundry. So much laundry in such little time. That and I forget. A whole day will go by before I think to myself, “Gee, that washing machine must be finished sometime soon!” Or I’ll wake up to James asking, “Honey…do I have any pants to wear today?” in which I promptly reply, “Probably not”…sad. I am trying and I have come a long way. But, I should be cleaning right now. Bye.